July 31, 2005

"act sad in case the girls are watching from their windows..."

so long hephzibah, it's been real. really hard, really challenging, really funny, really wonderful, really tiring, really really an experience to be pondered. we pulled away yesterday from the place we called home for the past couple months. we called it a couple other names too (haha), but at the end of the day with the promise of God never giving us more than we could handle, it was our home. right now i am in lexington, ky. didn't see that one coming when i set out to macon. but God had a greater (and a lot more fun) plan for us. this is how this scenario went down...my cherished roommate of the summer, whom i have shared many a laugh and many a deep conversation with, is starting seminary tomorrow (she is such a big girl!) here in lexington. it just so happened that one of our other wonderful friends that we were blessed with this summer has best friends that live in lexington as well. so yes, you are probably thinking what we were thinking, and thus the idea of our road trip was born:) we loaded it all in yesterday afternoon and the 3 of us drove to kentucky where we were met with a huge welcome and flawless hospitality (jake's friends, dave and erin...the epitamy of "dec"). we are having a wonderfully relaxing time here (much needed). i fly out tomorrow night to jacksonville where mama and daddy will be waiting to pick me up, yes they are the best ever, this is a true statement. this weekend was just what we needed and i praise God for the opportunity to have that time of fun and fellowship to strengthen the wonderful bonds He formed this summer. i am so thankful to the kujaks. they helped bring us back to the world of real food(a-mazing), real beds (the kind that when you get up your body is imprinted in the mattress--it was s-t-raight), circular doorknobs, and much much more. my heart has not been broken in days :)

July 16, 2005

my loves


here's one way God gets me out of bed in the mornings here to go at it for another day...i mean, look at that face...
good ole no'torious...lives up to his name, let me tell you.
here are my girls...i know, i know, they just make your heart melt at the sight of 'em.

July 07, 2005

in your ____ years of living....

i have written in my journal since arriving at and experiencing Hephzibah that there are no good or bad days here...only days with wonderful and terrible moments. God reminds me of this thought a lot during the day as i am processing what is going on around me...the chaos, the tears, the funny random comments, the unexpected hugs from a child running up behind you...grabbing on so tight is like they fear letting go because their moment with you might end or you might be taken away like so many other things in their lives...people, experiences, rights of innocence. today was one of those days that reinforced that thought.

terrible moments: little cheyenne throwing a small tantrum at the case manager office and refusing to go to her TAG session. cheyenne also having a crying jag at the lunch table because of some unknown reason to begin with and then continuing on because i would not pour her lemonade into her "water bottle"--it is in reality a small 'wet ones' bottle, maybe from a baby doll set--who knows, the point is i told her i would pour it in there when she stopped crying or if she could articulate to me why exactly she was letting the tears roll. then of course the inevitable loss of control...this time in the drama room. nothing big, just screaming, not listening, no respect, tears, and so on. and lastly, releasing them into the gym to play only to have cheyenne and aaliyah of all people throwing things at eachother, being sent to the corner, and quite a lot of pouting...oh, and fighting relentlessly over the scooters. sometimes i want to just jump on one of those little jokers and ride off into the sunset. i don't think i'd get very far though, they are kind of small and you have to kind of hoist yourself along. not much of a hoister here.

wonderful moments: getting all the babes to their appointments on time and making the case managers happy. watching the little ones out on the lawn playing water balloon volleyball and getting so excited...seeing the girls laugh at the boys when they busted a balloon and seeing how mad the boys got--they are so competitive...yeah, boys don't love being dominated by the ladies no matter how old or young. watching jermaine throw max and notorious like 20 feet in the air in the pool and watching their little faces when they come up, they just paddle as hard as they can just to get back to him, their anchor in the deep end, and go at it again. (that is so how we should be with God...craving and yearning for those moments of pure fear and joy mixed together. and then once we have allowed Him to throw us up higher than we ever imagined, going back for more just as fast as we can get there). having kids say a thousand times..."miss jenna, watch this!"...and they do a flip in the water or dive to get one of those diving rings...they are so proud, as they should be. witnessing cheyenne happily devour her peanut butter, jelly, AND ham sandwich--she wanted to put ketchup and musturd on it too, but i had to draw the line. watching sara and diamond have a conversation at the lunch table, eyes locked and so into it...best friends bonded in such a strong way. a way they won't even realize until years from now. oh and drama time...the high of the day. watching them interact and role play and me just laughing and laughing at the whole chaotic thing. laughing at nathan's testimony in his murder trial...i still say he was guilty, but whatever. watching little alex dance on the table...that kid has moves. listening to ashley, ajahnee, and caroline sing (the ultimate highlight). walking up to the dining hall at the end of the day, cheyenne's hand in mine, knowing good things happened and that the bad things are workable with time and faith.....

and it goes without saying that the post-camp activity with my wonderful fellow counselors/friends was the greatest pleasure of this day. sure, we drove all the way to atlanta to eat at mcdonald's, but i am glad it worked out the way it did. the fellowship was unmatchable, and i could play the question game all day long--so enlightening, challenging, and relationship enriching. my heart is happy.

huh, looks like the wonderful out-weighed the terrible today. that's a nice thought to end on, i must say. tomorrow we will try it again. that is if camp doesn't get rained out--i'll have to ask nathan if he thinks it will :) haha. ok i am out of here. miss jo and i have got to get to bed and out of this computer lab. it just sucks you in.

love to all <><

July 06, 2005

oh me oh my...

today was...out of control a lil bit. i'm not sure what is in the water here at Hephzibah, but it ain't workin for us. the kids were crazy today. even my good kids at some point or another stormed off crying, ended up in the corner, were mean to their friends, didn't listen (goes without saying, that's a given)...and don't get me started on the ones that are usually somewhat troublesome--it was basically useless to even try to round them up. to my team--nate, danielle, jermaine...a valiant effort, i'm sorry we were not victorious. i thought the day might never end. and as i was nearing the dining hall door at 4 o'clock--so close to ending it i could almost feel the door handle in my hands--you guessed it, a little last minute drama. artwork was dropped, trampled on (accidently, but like it matters), and the tears started rolling. but anyway, it did end and after comparing notes with the other counselors we realized that they were all possessed by something today. so we prayed it out and let it go, and now we are ready for tomorrow.

after work the boys played a little ball so i went to watch that for a bit, sonic in hand. went and put some gas in ravioli, and ran by the post office. now just playing on the computer a little bit. i also have made a very lengthy to-do list. mostly stuff at home that needs to be taken care of. as the list got longer and longer i started feeling the pressure, so i started writing down some stuff i have already done just so i could cross it off and make the list look a little more productive and a little less demanding. it worked..somewhat :)

well, i hope everyone has a good day tomorrow. hang in there!

July 05, 2005

america, america...God shed His grace on thee...

yes yes, call off the search parties, i am still alive even though you could never tell from my blog. i figured out the problem though, so that is good news. each time i try to blog i feel like i must go back and recap on all the fun times that happened that were not entered in to blogdom up to this point. but the feat is impossible, so i am just going to start with today. but just know, some fun and interesting stuff happened between june 14th and the present. it will just have to stay in my heart though because my fingers won't let me type it all out. just holler at your girl if you want a recap.

so today...wonderful. today we celebrated our independence and in honor of this joyous holiday, my amazing comrades and i enjoyed a cook out, a hilarious and entertaining movie, several volleyball games under perfect weather conditions, another great mini cookout, a beautiful fireworks show, and a nice long wait in a van during which we added a fun new game to our growing list of ways to learn about each other. we had a wonderful time of fellowship the whole day. i so love to laugh--which is good because we seem to do so a lot around here despite the fact that hardship and frustration lurk behind most corners. but it did not today, and for that i am thankful. this was a perfect day.