July 07, 2005

in your ____ years of living....

i have written in my journal since arriving at and experiencing Hephzibah that there are no good or bad days here...only days with wonderful and terrible moments. God reminds me of this thought a lot during the day as i am processing what is going on around me...the chaos, the tears, the funny random comments, the unexpected hugs from a child running up behind you...grabbing on so tight is like they fear letting go because their moment with you might end or you might be taken away like so many other things in their lives...people, experiences, rights of innocence. today was one of those days that reinforced that thought.

terrible moments: little cheyenne throwing a small tantrum at the case manager office and refusing to go to her TAG session. cheyenne also having a crying jag at the lunch table because of some unknown reason to begin with and then continuing on because i would not pour her lemonade into her "water bottle"--it is in reality a small 'wet ones' bottle, maybe from a baby doll set--who knows, the point is i told her i would pour it in there when she stopped crying or if she could articulate to me why exactly she was letting the tears roll. then of course the inevitable loss of control...this time in the drama room. nothing big, just screaming, not listening, no respect, tears, and so on. and lastly, releasing them into the gym to play only to have cheyenne and aaliyah of all people throwing things at eachother, being sent to the corner, and quite a lot of pouting...oh, and fighting relentlessly over the scooters. sometimes i want to just jump on one of those little jokers and ride off into the sunset. i don't think i'd get very far though, they are kind of small and you have to kind of hoist yourself along. not much of a hoister here.

wonderful moments: getting all the babes to their appointments on time and making the case managers happy. watching the little ones out on the lawn playing water balloon volleyball and getting so excited...seeing the girls laugh at the boys when they busted a balloon and seeing how mad the boys got--they are so competitive...yeah, boys don't love being dominated by the ladies no matter how old or young. watching jermaine throw max and notorious like 20 feet in the air in the pool and watching their little faces when they come up, they just paddle as hard as they can just to get back to him, their anchor in the deep end, and go at it again. (that is so how we should be with God...craving and yearning for those moments of pure fear and joy mixed together. and then once we have allowed Him to throw us up higher than we ever imagined, going back for more just as fast as we can get there). having kids say a thousand times..."miss jenna, watch this!"...and they do a flip in the water or dive to get one of those diving rings...they are so proud, as they should be. witnessing cheyenne happily devour her peanut butter, jelly, AND ham sandwich--she wanted to put ketchup and musturd on it too, but i had to draw the line. watching sara and diamond have a conversation at the lunch table, eyes locked and so into it...best friends bonded in such a strong way. a way they won't even realize until years from now. oh and drama time...the high of the day. watching them interact and role play and me just laughing and laughing at the whole chaotic thing. laughing at nathan's testimony in his murder trial...i still say he was guilty, but whatever. watching little alex dance on the table...that kid has moves. listening to ashley, ajahnee, and caroline sing (the ultimate highlight). walking up to the dining hall at the end of the day, cheyenne's hand in mine, knowing good things happened and that the bad things are workable with time and faith.....

and it goes without saying that the post-camp activity with my wonderful fellow counselors/friends was the greatest pleasure of this day. sure, we drove all the way to atlanta to eat at mcdonald's, but i am glad it worked out the way it did. the fellowship was unmatchable, and i could play the question game all day long--so enlightening, challenging, and relationship enriching. my heart is happy.

huh, looks like the wonderful out-weighed the terrible today. that's a nice thought to end on, i must say. tomorrow we will try it again. that is if camp doesn't get rained out--i'll have to ask nathan if he thinks it will :) haha. ok i am out of here. miss jo and i have got to get to bed and out of this computer lab. it just sucks you in.

love to all <><

1 comment:

nate said...

No rain out here